We had it as a child
It’s still within us!
For some time I have been thinking about acceptability….What makes us acceptable or rather why do we think it’s acceptable to be unacceptable to ourselves?
Being a professional hypnotherapist I come in to contact with all sorts of people who have all sorts of issues, however over time and with experience, I have noticed a common theme!
The issue that someone turns up with is simply a symptom of something else and that something else is more often or not the limiting belief of…. I am not good enough, I am not worthy.
This isn’t always in a person’s consciousness, it’s often rooted deeply in the unconscious mind and it is the unconscious mind that drives most of our habits and behaviours including the habits which we might find unresourceful and want to consciously change.
However…for me personally, I have given this some deeper thought as I too have had feelings of “ not good enough” in my life and therefore at various times I have also had unwanted behaviours and habits.
Acceptability…what is it…what does it mean?
I think it’s safe to say in a generalised way, human beings want to be accepted and liked approved of in some way….however maybe this gets twisted over time!
When are you truly and totally 100% yourself with another?
Without feeling or being self-conscious in some way or careful of what you say, or comfortable in how you look and sound?
Do you hide behind a barrier or wall of some kind or wear some type of “mask” for want of a better word?
Do you feel at complete ease being fully honest about yourself, your desires and the parts of you that you would like to improve on?
Or maybe you interact with others in the way you think and feel you should?
Maybe you put out what you think others would like to see, even though that’s not you really, kind of like trying to fit in….have and do you do that?
Again…a bit of a generalisation, but I wouldn’t mind betting that most people at some time in their lives have felt that they want to try and fit in and therefore not been their true selves with others.
Such dishonesty to one’s self and to others ….such fear of “being seen “is so totally exhausting, isn’t it? Certainly not relaxing surely?
To feel that you have to wear a mask and show up as someone who is not you at all, therefore acting in every moment of your life…..Is that good for you…does it feel good?
This can lead to all sorts of problems, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, depression, unwanted habits like drinking too much or taking drugs, slightly milder but equally problematic things like nail biting , overeating , food disorders the list is endless!
We do those things to make ourselves comfortable in our discomfort…..accept it doesn’t work of course and makes us even more uncomfortable. By acting we are creating these problems for ourselves.
So why are we hiding ourselves….our true self?
Well….there can be many, many reasons , including what we are told and taught as children by our teachers and our parents and peers, what is socially acceptable, by that I mean societal pressure, the expectations of societal pressure, what we should be, how we should be and feel, what we should look like and so on. We end up trying to be everything we are possibly not and certainly we don’t “show up” …naked…honest… as ourselves, in case we get it wrong and we don’t fit!
The thing is each and every one of us is absolutely individual and beautiful….When we are born, for a short time we are just pure potential, like a blank canvas and all we are is Love!
Because I believe that all there is – is Love and Fear.
Because society and our teachers and experiences and others expectations have not been put on to us at that point, we are pure love and potential. When people take out their paint brushes and paint the blank canvas of us in the ways they think, coming from their own individual thinking and seeing and feeling, it can end up making for a disjointed messy picture!
Maybe the first step to change and healing is to understand this and then to notice if you do it….If you show up as something other than you…the real you!
The paradox is that the masks we wear still don’t help, there will still be a lack of acceptance or perceived acceptance, regardless of what mask you are wearing….so take it off….let the real you stand up and radiate the you that you really are, allow that vulnerability to shine out of you…it’s a truly attractive thing….allow the love to radiate from every cell of your being.
Spread some love around….all there is – is Love and Fear (and the symptoms of fear)
It simply is not acceptable to be unacceptable to yourself, is it?
To hide, to cover up, to push down, to deny your existence….that brings such dis – ease!
Learn to become you again….When that happens harmony and peace grows inside and all of the negative stuff starts to fall away. When that happens we find that we are able to take control of our lives and make it into anything we want to, because we have connected with our long lost self…we are balanced and congruent .
Of course for some they don’t know how to begin with this journey and sometimes people need a helping hand to get themselves into that way of “being “… and that’s ok!
I am always here for you, if you should want or need and would like to get back to the amazing you that you are!
Remember…..Live Love…Spread Love….You are LOVE!